My two eldest children have return to their father’s for the school year. I swear my heart physically broke. i text them daily but it’s not enough. I’ve broken to the point that I talked to my doctor about anti-depressant. Talk is an understatement, I wallowed in tears and snot-nosed confessions of being better off dead. Being pregnant this is a bad thing. It takes awhile for pills to kick in but till they do I’m throwing myself into the house work. I’ve cleaned more in the last few days then I have in years, or what feels like years. I still feel like it’s not enough. I get up and I’m trying to clean more and more. I feel like it’s sad and pathetic, yet at the same time therapeutic. It’s a stress reliever to clean. I wouldn’t believe me, but it’s true. You can even put it to ritual with music, candles, inscents, and whispers of blessings/prayers. If you don’t believe me try it for yourself. Then comment your results.
I want to see if I can pull away from my addicted crutches of social media and streaming movies or shows. Growing my weakness in my complaints of my failures and pitiful attempts at trying.
Only giving up is not an option. Keep going. My goal is to build a better life for my family and myself.