I watch people in an intriguing manner, and wonder what does he/she have that others or myself do not? Why are some people told to grow up when they are already old enough to know better? Why do some older people refuse to grow up? Why is it that if you pay bills it is not enough to define you maturity? What makes one mature or immature?
I sat on this along time. I came up with the difference being cared for and being able to care for others. If someone else is the one you depend on to care for all your needs then you are a immature child. No matter you age. If you are the one responsible for the roof over your head, the food you eat, and your day to day needs plus you are able to care for others, then by all means you are a mature adult.
That is what I’m striving for. Having to start over again and again. Has knocked my feet from under me. I have been knocked down in my heart and my mentality. I need to rediscover my own belief in myself. I needed to find a self sustaining lifestyle. I needed to break everything down and rebuild. I’m building everything from how I look at things to how I do them. Nowhere near easy, was this task. I didn’t understand why I failed at my goals in the first place. I could see the problem for others like a neon sign. But for myself I was blind.
I need a method of lifestyle that would fit all sorts of events and situations. I didn’t need some surprise bill or type of stressor to get our whole family life in trouble. My brother had a medical situation and he lost his home and couldn’t work. I need to create a foundation where I can provide for my family a stable structure.