As I get better and older in my life I wonder why I couldn’t before. I look at people who are struggling much like I did and wonder if I tell them how to do better if it will help? I look at it from my perspective of when I was younger. I didn’t know what I know now because there were steps for me to take to become better. I had to work on my mental attitude and emotional health, along with physical ability. I had to learn I deserve better or I would sabotage my efforts. I had to learn to find my calm or peace within or I would take good lessons and put them in an angry place. A type of getcha or forcing kind of feeling.
The way I behaved before was not healthy, but it didn’t make me a bad person. It made me an angry person who needed to heal. I believe it was a form of grieving. Not death of a love one, but of time I lost. of the way things could have been better.
I can’t hold onto this regret. I’ve already lost so much time. I can only take what happen as a way of knowing that when I come across it again I must do things differently. i must seek out knowledge and wisdom of more choices available to me. I must allow myself to feel what I feel and act in a new light.