I love new stuff. A new day, a new project, a new me, and a new way of doing stuff. See I have no problem starting new projects, or coming up with new ideas. It’s once a project gets going or the next day I have a tendency to waiver and falter. I start to skip and get that “now what” type of attitude. and life goes unfinished. I personally struggle with this. I understand for other people it may not be a major thing. Take a moment if you will, and imagine if your everyday activities were to left undone. If I were to try and justify my inactions I might say I refuse to be held down by the monous ordinary everyday to day confines of routine. Only the truth is we need those as humans find comfort in routine’s way of leaving daily predictability to ones future.
If I focus on my goals in life…. I am beginning to believe that doing everyday tasks are a skill that nearly everyone else in the population possesses except me. It is the skill I want to strive towards. Build this skill is outside my comfort zone, and requires me to push with self-discipline I previously didn’t posses. I have to do something that I don’t know how to. I feel anxious about it. Routine doesn’t make me feel safe. It scares me. I feel like I would be tided down when opportunity came, and miss adventure. I feel as if that is when predator like people would learn my vulnerabilities in studying me.
I’m going to start small, and with that of which would benefit me most so that I would feel rewarded and continue it. Like routine grooming. Instead random grooming only when I’m about to go out, or wait till an event requires it. In theory this will leave me with feelings of being cared for. I never said I wasn’t crazy.