Taking control of me!

Some days are better than others, and the back of my mind screams why! I understand I’m bipolar. I understand I have had a somewhat traumatic childhood. What I couldn’t understand is why I have no control on my bad days. There have been people that told me about how they tell themselves to get moving, but when I do? I some how manage to end up in-front of the tv or netflix. Days go with out making important calls or actions that affect my life. So lately I’ve been watching myself on good and bad days. I watch for variables. I watch to see if I can Identify what I can do to get my free will.

I know that my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual problems are connected. Take care of one and I know I need to take care of them all. For better example: Say I have a cold. I take medicine and eat healthy food for my body. Tell myself to stay positive and that I will get over this cold shortly. I watch cartoons and comedies to laugh and talk to good friends that make me feel good. Since I’m a Witch I do a spell. I Don’t often get sick longer than 2 days. So approaching this depression is no different. My faith has become stronger. Some of the differences that I see in my diet are the more fruits and veggies with more water make a big one.

It helps when I reach out to my kids more often. I miss them. I know they are not dead but I grieve the time with them that I’ve lost. The more I’ve held it in the harder for me to get through the day.

I’ve notice that the day after a really good one is a rest day. Hard to figure out that after I can accomplish a lot that I kinda get worn out. I try to get back into moving as soon as possible so that I can get used to doing more and maybe not need to snooze so much after.


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