As the holidays draw near instead of being happy, I’m fighting off tears. I miss my two oldest children. I feel my faults and failures add up overwhelmingly. I moved out of my old roommates place back into my parents basement. I have failed school. I haven’t written in awhile. I have so much unpacking to do it isn’t funny. I lack motivation. I know I have to get things done. but it feels like it needs done all once. I feel like I don’t have the money to send a thanksgiving dinner to my kids, They didn’t get one because it was too much hassle for their Grandpa. I miss time with my youngest. I want to start homeschooling her. There is part of me that wishes I could just toss the football around with all 3 of my kids that I could make memories to last a life time. To make time for them I could make an experience to make life worth it. But my two oldest live in another state. I want to cry I feel Pain, Anger, and Helplessness.